Bix's Mémoires: Journey of Repentance, July 30, 2009 – August 11, 2009

The original intent of our Journey of Repentance was to apologize to the Japanese people for the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. At that time it was not clear in what venue or to what body or person(s) the apology was to be made. The feeling was unless the American Government or Americans apologize, the United States would continue to threaten other nations with its nuclear weapon superiority and use its military might to solve its international disputes.

We have military bases around the globe to reinforce our demands when we are threatened. The reliance on this type of diplomacy is to be caught in the bondage of violence – a violence that will eat away the heart, mind, soul and body of our people. Nuclear superiority, arising out of the horror of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, is the Midas touch that will bring the U.S. to crumbling ruin unless it begins by rejecting nuclear weapons.

Through apology, it was envisioned that our group would commit itself to work (more) deeply for nuclear weapon abolition.The Journey of Repentance had grown to 18 people.

Before we left for Japan we received an e-mail from Steven Leeper stating that Mayor Akiba of Hiroshima, who is president of the international Mayors for Peace, did not agree with apologies. He preferred people to see themselves as world citizens who would work to abolish nuclear weapons as a threat to our common human family. The mayor strongly urged all people to listen to the testimony and experience of the Hibakusha (survivors). They have come through their incredible suffering where once they envied the dead about them to now giving their lives as a non-retaliatory (non-violent) witness to end nuclear weapon attacks and eventually all war. The mayor pointed out that the Hibakusha have kept alive the possibility of a world without nuclear weapons for 64 years. They are the well-spring and a fount of pure water from which and to drink and to bring hope to people for a world free of nuclear weapons.

He also emphasized his contention that all people make mistakes, and that we as human beings accept the fact of our making mistakes in accepting one another. His observation has come out of his experience of the survivors not holding retaliatory or blaming attitudes – but rather they have grown into non violent witnesses to the need for all people to accept one another.

We changed our focus from apology to listening. Listen to learn. It did not become as urgent to apologize. The feeling of sorrow and even horror for what the U.S. had done and the resolve to work for abolition of nuclear weapons was still present and became strengthened by experiences of our journey.

COMING SOON: Journey of Repentance Documentary!

Since I’m new to the JOR blog, allow me to introduce myself: my name is Ashley Michael Karitis, I’m from Bend, Oregon, and I was the lead filmmaker for the JOR group while in Japan. My background consists of a myriad of activities and passions (namely travel, history, international relations & foreign policy, and of course, documentaries!), many of which pointed me to the JOR and this wonderful filmmaking opportunity.

I was certainly a last minute addition to the group. In fact, my being on the trip only came together literally 10 days before departure! Stress? Yes! But, it was “good stress,” because if it all came together it would be a beautiful thing. Essentially, some family friends of mine knew a key player on the trip—Tom Karlin, who I’m now good friends with J. Tom mentioned that the JOR had a filmmaking crew to get a documentary made, but that that crew was no longer able to commit. So, they proposed that I replace an entire crew! Of course, I immediately jumped on the opportunity. This was a chance to visit Japan for the first time—and not just as a tourist but as an individual traveling with a compassionate group who has a strong sense of purpose, humility, and action in mind.

At first I wasn’t sure of what kind of movie I was expected to make. After all, it’s not as though I had months to contemplate what kind of product the group or I wanted, and therefore, what kinds of events, moments, and types of interviews I would try to tackle while filming. Bix, Tamara, and I had many conversations about what this film would, could, and possibly should be about and the purpose it would serve. Most importantly, I would attempt:

-to convey a sense of acknowledgment of the bombings’ complete devastation

-to understand forgiveness from a survivor’s point of view: to learn to accept human failings and to actively choose the path of non-retaliation

-to de-emphasize the trip as “one big apology” and instead emphasize it as a means of being more worldly citizens and agents of peace working against destructive forces

-to focus on connections with the people, especially other peace-keepers, seekers, and Hibakusha

-to create a film that would mobilize public awareness and fundraising efforts for a trip to visit the NPT review at the UN in May 2010

With a week to go, I scrambled to put together the best, most compact filming package possible that would make my one-woman operation physically (and mentally) feasible (for those of you who are interested, I shot to tape on a Panasonic HVX-200, with a shotgun and lav wireless mic set-up, and I brought a collapsible tripod for interviews). To my surprise and delight, it all came together swimmingly, and I was set to go!

Movie, check. Equipment, check. Insurance, check. Meeting the group…

Upon arriving in Tokyo, I met the group for the very first time! Their smiling faces were truly welcoming and some right away offered to help carry the camera into the city (thanks Alyson and Tom!). Even after some brief interactions, I got the impression that I would integrate into the group rather smoothly. As Demetra later put it, “Oh, you fit right in!” This was a big relief considering I was going to be traveling with 17 strangers (at the time) for the next 10 days.

Once in Tokyo, I whipped out my big box ‘o’ tapes and began unwrapping them—I had allowed myself 50 hours of tape in all. Secondly, I began to collect many first impressions to see who I should approach for interviews. And lastly, I began filming, filming, filming! This meant that I was rolling through most activities and events on the itinerary, catching lots of vibrant, poignant, and diverse B Roll footage to capture the fast pulse of Tokyo, the political atmosphere of Hiroshima, and the sweltering weather (and group drama!) in Nagasaki, and then sitting down to personal interviews.

One of the very real challenges I faced throughout the trip was being a one-woman crew. My workload certainly wasn’t unreasonable, but running and gunning with the camera was quite a trial that tested my mental and physical capabilities. Tamara was a fabulous co-producer, bravo to her on her first go at producing! While I would set up the camera or scout out shots, she would often be hunting down the appropriate people to gather release forms from to make sure filming was possible (both in English and Japanese).

My role within the group dynamic was quite flexible. I felt welcome to comment on anything I like but I usually held my tongue so as not to catch in the recording. In essence, I was the outsider always looking in on the group—constantly studying everyone through the camera and collecting the most compelling footage possible for the editor so that a meaningful story could be pieced together. From time to time I would offer some of my thoughts, suggestions, or opinions on issues in the group reflections.

So now, I have nearly 35 hours of footage from Japan on my hands. My favorite footage? Hard to say, but there is a lot that I’m looking forward to! Overall, I’m eager to review the peace memorial ceremonies footage because I remember there being so much energy and color—especially my favorite part of the trip: when citizens of Hiroshima were placing candle-lit lanterns into the Ota-Gawa River on the night of August 6. I remember seeing an 80-something woman, helped by her family, as she feebly bent over to set a lantern in the water; and just upstream, a 3 yr old did the same. It was incredibly moving.

I agreed to be a part of this project with one thing in mind: that I cannot commit to editing. But, in 10 days time we all grew as a unit and it’s quite clear that I’m most familiar with the footage and the characters at hand. So, given the right circumstances and the right set-up, I just may be the editor after all…we’ll see!

Looking forward to posting more about the film when the steps toward the editing process are taken!

Day 1 & 2 from Steve & Kristi

Thursday, July 30th - It was all day travel to Tokyo arriving at 3:30 pm on the 31^st @ 3:30 pm. I was spacey from travel, and forgot that I had put my cash in my money belt. I used an ATM to get cash, and also converted some cash. We never had money problems.

The trip into Tokyo on the train was exciting. That was in spite of the fact that we’d been traveling for a long time, and were all falling asleep. I noticed bamboo forests along the tracks, and large expanses of rice fields interspersed with indications of approaching urbanity.

Our hotel room was about 15 X 15 with windows that really didn’t want to open. There was a small refrigerator, and a small TV. The beds were thin cushion mats, and the floor was of woven straw (or could it have been shredded bamboo?), called tatami mats. We had been cued on taking off shoes, so were barefooted in our room. We mostly crawled around the room, very seldom actually standing up. My knees, and other joints adjusted to this reality while we were in Japan.

Saturday, August 1^st: In the morning we all woke up really, really early. We were out by 4 am. By 5 am we were at the Tsujigi fish market. By 9 am we were back at the hotel. Joan, Karen, Kristi and I went shopping late morning, early afternoon. We found a department store to visit. The main thing we did on this day was meet with the Japan Peace Committee.

It was good to be in Tokyo first, and have some time to get used to the idea of being in Japan. The neighborhood where our hotel was was hardcore urban. Kristi and I never did get to some of the sights that were around there. I could guess that everyone had a different experience in Tokyo, and that was probably true of the entire trip.

The walk to the fish market was informative. We were typical tourists. We were called on for standing in the middle of sidewalks, and also we found ourselves in a place of business (fish biz) standing where people were trying to work. Our friend, fellow traveler, Mitch Kojima interpreted some of the irritated comments of the people we interfered with. (From Kristi): If the entire business had been filmed from the ceiling it would have looked like a movie set to fast-motion with a group of idiots trying to stall the pace. We were the idiots.

On the schedule that we were on, the days were exceedingly long. Food was our individual responsibility. Of course that first day was all a learning experience. The restaurants had pictures of the food they were serving, which were plastic representations of the food. It really didn’t convey the information needed to make a decision without being able to read Japanese. They had vending machines that you put money in that gave you a little ticket that you handed to the waitress, who gave the ticket to the cook. You ordered beverages directly, or there was a water dispenser as well, and you could just serve yourself water. It was a pretty efficient way for a restaurant to run, when the clientele doesn’t speak your language. I just gave up on being any kind of vegetarian for that period of time. (From Kristi): Most of what I ate was unidentifiable to me. The ubiquitous pickle in particular appeared on every plate in varied forms of vegetables which I imagine don’t grow here. That said it was all excellent and I did NOT lose weight in spite of walking blisters into my feet.

Kristi and I had to find wrap for the CDs, which were supposed to be gift wrapped. We also needed scissors, and tape, and ribbon. There was a substantial market place just across the big boulevard from the area where our hotel was located. It took up several streets, and was maybe a half a mile long. There were buildings. It was like an outdoor mall. There were guys selling fish, and drugstores, and jewelers, and shoe stores. There was no gift wrap though.

The department store we finally found had a little of everything. The basement was a grocery store. The ground floor had specialty foods, and clothing. There was more clothing on the second floor, and the third floor was almost all booze. The fourth floor had what we were looking for. We did buy some Japanese whiskey though, as well as tape, scissors, ribbon, and paper. Karen, Joan, Kristi, and I did well at splitting up, and finding each other once again. I think we all had fun in the department store.

(From Kristi): We joined the group later and made our way to the headquarters of the Japan Peace Committee. The group formed around sixty years ago and has a membership of 30,000 in groups throughout the country. They sat us at tables set with a meal of hors d’oeuvres and set out to formal introductions with all. We listened to speeches from their leaders and one by one each of us spoke briefly about our intentions regarding our trip and nuclear disarmament. The Japanese are coming closer and closer to reversing Article 9 of their constitution which demilitarized them offensively; an election forthcoming will soon decide the issue. Japan, to my way of thinking, took the most wise and prudent course of action in response to our own nuclear barbarism of 1945. Would that all nations have followed their lead with Article 9; then our job as peace advocates would have been aborted long ago. Our meeting began to end with mutual favors exchanged. As is the custom, we gave wrapped gifts and received them. Our group gave teeshirts and Native American dream-catchers. They gave each of us fans. We began to exchange cards and friendly conversation. Then a wrapped large card-like gift was given to Bix. He boldly opened it, probably at the urging of the giver. Inside was a drawing of a beautiful human face inside a dove. Underneath was an inscription to the Japan Peace Committee, signed and dated by Pablo Picasso. Bix joked, “Oh boy, now I get a new home! “ It occurred to me that the custom is to reciprocate with a gift of equal value. So maybe all of us delegates now should sign over the titles to our houses to the Japan Peace Committee.

9 Months: Our Nuke Free Baby

Now, just because we`re heading home in less than a day (we arrive in SEATAC before we leave Tokyo, apparently), don`t go getting comfortable and thinking this Journey is done. It`s not, we`re just getting started.

But beginning on August 12th the mission is no longer peace, the mission is no longer apologies, the mission is not even reconciliation (although each remains important to our group in particular). No, mission from this day forward is ensuring that there is never another Hiroshima, never another Nagasaki. Starting August 12th, we begin preparations for the 2010 Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treat review, which will take place in New York on May 10th. We have nine months to leave out the kitchen sink and focus on this one effort: to ensure that no more nuclear weapons are used in our world. It doesn`t matter what you think about the Just War doctrine, it doesn`t even matter whether you think it was right or wrong for the US to drop the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki; what matters is that we as a world cannot continue to improve the technology which brought hell to earth 64 years ago, which deported an entire community from Bikini indefinitely, which has left countless of our own country treating radiation sickness in Nevada.

What can you expect from the 18 of us in the next nine months? Dialogue with our leaders, mayors, the Bangor Commander. Presentations and panels, including visits from the Hibakusha we`ve met while here in Japan, discussion groups, and video screenings of a documentary based on this very journey. Direct preparations for the NPT Review Conference, including sending as many people as we can from as many backgrounds and perspectives to New York, and getting support from all our communities for the Hiroshima Nagasaki Protocol. You can expect this and much more, and we need your help. Stay posted for ways that you can get involved in the action.

For now, check out the text of the Hiroshima Nagasaki Protocol at http://www.2020visioncampaign.org/filestorage/409/File/2/Hiroshima-NagasakiProtocol.pdf.

Last Day in Nagasaki

Yesterday, some members of the group went to a liturgy (more on that later) while others who were "Catholic-ed out" attended other events. Kristi, Steve, JoAn, Debi & I (Sarah) went to the peace convention that started in Hiroshima and concluded on Nagasaki Day. Attending the convention these past three days, we've been pretty inspired by the powerful anti-nuclear movement here. The youth are amazing and very enthusiastic with their vision and perseverance to achieve a world free of nuclear weapons. It's been interesting to talk with delegates from other countries, both young and old, about the anti-nuke circumstances in various parts of the world. We are all dedicated to this cause. To join together with others, to have some rallying time without the apprehension that is more abundant back in the states, is very motivational. As almost every speech-maker of every nationality mentioned over the course of the convention, "yes we can."

Many group members had a chance to visit the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum yesterday. This was quite an impacting experience. The first room of the museum is a model of the rubble left after the bomb exploded and includes a model of one side of the very church that many members would visit - it has since been remodeled. Urakami Cathedral was a majestic building that, like the area around it, was completely destroyed by the H-bomb dropped on August 9th, 1945. Although it was smaller than the Hiroshima museum, this one was just as effective. It displayed many artifacts from the aftermath of the bombing. Item after item - and they were simlar things, like clothing, roof tiles, etc. Seeing these things and their accompanying stories over and over really pounded it into my brain. We, as humans, must not do this again. Not to anybody. It's not a matter of nationality, politics, religion, or power.

Last night at 6:30, Bix, Louie, Teresa, Leslie, Denny and Tom attended a Catholic liturgy at the Peace Park here in Nagasaki. Severral thousand people marched from the park following the liturgy - each received a bamboo torch. The lighted torches were carried in procession to the Urakami Cathedral several miles away in the dark for the mass at 8:00. The quiet procession was a spectacular sight. The commemorations moving - a small sense of solidarity with the people of Japan who have suffered so much - also a sense of great hope to work to never let this tragedy occur again.

We leave in one day to return to the United States. Our journey here has been more than we could have ever imagined. The hospitality, gentleness, and respectfulness of the Japanese people - hibakusha (bomb-affected people), inspirational youth, many people who have generously provided shelter during our stay, taxi drivers, strangers on the streetcars- is beautiful and a powerful sign of non-violence in a world where reactionary sentiment sometimes seems hopelessly common. We are eager to come home and express our gratitude to all who made our journey possible and to share what we've seen and heard.

-Tom & Sarah

On Human Sin and the Nerves of Uncontrolled Females

"So you are Catholic?" He asked me.

"Well, no."

"But CERTAINLY you are a Christian?"

"umm...."

Which is when his hand found its way to my forehead, and I was told that Father Diez, who I just met five minutes before, would be praying for my soul to find Jesus, and that when I return home I should then start attending church.

It became clear early in our stay in Nagasaki at the Jesuit retreat center that there had been a misunderstanding. After several non-Catholics in our group encountered conversion attempts, and almost all of the women had been either insulted and/or ignored, we realized that perhaps when these Jesuits offered us housing they did not read about our group past the title of "Journey of Repentance." Our hosts were quite certain that we were not only all Catholic, but that our purpose here in Nagasaki was to attend mass at the monument of the 26 Martyrs and retreat at their center, rather than attend conferences, listen to the Hibakusha, and take part in interfaith ceremonies. They were shocked and angered to discover the misunderstanding, which we felt we had made clear from the start. Fr. Jose then explained to me the belief among a large sect of the Catholic community here that God offers the "only" answer to why Nagasaki was bombed: it was His punishment for human sin, that the lives brutally lost on August 9th were a human sacrifice. Even the Catholic members of our delegation were taken aback; these are not the Catholics we are used to and familiar with. It is clear that both groups have much to learn.

All the same, efforts have been made to ease the discomfort and discontent. We do not want to leave ruffled feathers, we do not want to leave with anyone feeling insulted. Misunderstandings have been felt on both sides, both religiously and economically. We were under the impression that they had offered us housing as a gift, much as the Guadalupe House has done for all those who pass through it's doors on retreat for this cause. However, we have been corrected and are now charged 4,700 yen a night per person. Reviewing the situation, we decided that the money was not our greatest concern. As Tom put it so well this afternoon, it would be hard to host an interfaith group focused on dialogue with the Hibakusha in a place where non-Catholics are seen as potential converts, women have no voice, and any effort to speak with the Japanese survivors of "God's punishment" is seen as "not important." We attempted, and succeeded fairly well, to hold reflection time this afternoon, which was interrupted by a reprimand from Fr. Diez on our practices with the air conditioning. Just last night we were talking about how impressed we were with all the hospitality we have received in this country. Clearly the hospitality at this particular location has come to an end. Luckily, the Buddhists down the street have room for us, so we switch roofs tomorrow. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep, but I find it amusing that the Jesuits kick us out and the Buddhists open their doors. What an image. What a world. What a Nagasaki.

In spite of all these logistical issues, we have made much progress since arriving in Nagasaki, fueled by all we encountered and learned in Tokyo and Hiroshima. Today, 8 of our members attended the 2009 World Conference against A and H Bombs.The other 10 remained at the center to reflect on our experience thus far and plan for the nine months that lie ahead of us in preparation for the NPT Review Conference. May 10th, 2010 will come sooner than any of us can imagine.

But, before it gets here, get ready for panels, exhibits, music, pod casts, a documentary, lobbying efforts, letter writing, and guest Hibakusha speakers. As each mayor of Hiroshima has made clear since 1945, the time is NOW to put an end to nuclear weapons. Tomorrow is the 64th anniversary of the bombing of Nagasaki. We are hopeful that August 9th will forever be known as both the second, and last, atomic bombing.

Oh Healing Waters

The Hiroshima Peace Park was more crowded than it has been on any of our visits yet. 50,000 people gathered from all over the world, laying cranes at each of the monuments, singing songs of peace, handing out information (most in Japanese), and most importantly being present at the Hiroshima City Peace Memorial Ceremony.

Mayor Akiba announced the Hiroshima Nagasaki Protocol, and called to an end to nuclear weapons by 2020. A flock of doves flew overhead. Two children rose and spoke of the struggle it takes to bring a child into this world, and of when a life is lost. Speaker after speaker told us the same thing: the time is now.

In a horde, we left the Ceremony for the Peace Pole, where a hopeful group prayed for peace to prevail in each country, with crowd members walking forward with flags to represent each. Afterward, Tom rose and gave a speech about our purpose here, and Teresa and Kristi presented 1,000 cranes. Another 1,000 cranes, folded by children from Tacoma, were left at the monument dedicated for children mobilized in the war.

At a Hibakusha listening session in the afternoon, we were told by a woman who was 8 years old when the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima that the "first step of peace making for [us] is to listen, and for the survivors it is to tell their story." She told us that after the bomb dropped, refugees began to come toward her home, and her family took them in. They begged for water, and she brought it. After they drank, they would die. She told us that she has lived with a guilt, a fear, for the last 64 years. She thought for the longest time that she had killed them by giving them water. She also told us that she has tried to tell her story before in the US, and was confronted by hatred in both the form of words and stoneｓ. She spoke of a great fear that all Hibakusha feel. And we morned that when she tried to share with others from our country, we only made that fear worse. Somehow she found the strength to keep sharing, and began an organization called Interpreters for Peace there in Hiroshima. She said that "people ask how the Hibakusha can be strong, it is because we live on behalf of the dead."

I left the listening session, and the morning`s activities, feeling both hopeful and full of sorrow. These extremes were only heightened when we went to a Buddhist temple for a ceremony and dinner. They welcomed us with the most sincere smiles, seemed genuinely happy to be sitting there with us. Us. US. I cannot help but feel, regardless of Mayor Akiba`s wish for us not to apologize because we should not associate ourselves with a country in such matters, a deep sense of regret at our actions. How could we drop the bomb? How could we drop another just days later? How could we still continue improving the capability to do so again? And further, how on earth could the Japanese continue to show such warmth, such generosity, such hospitality?

Once again I found myself in need of something to cheer me up, and it did not take much looking. After the ceremony ended, the monks and nuns pulled away the cushions to set up tables, and began setting packaged meals and beer out for the group to enjoy. We sat to eat, and began by chanting "nam myoho renge kyo." The monks, simultaneously chanting and pouring us beer. What an absolutely incredible country, what absolutely incredible people, what an enjoyable religion!

We were sent off with sacred beads and a smile on our faces, attempting to emulate the warmth of our hosts. On we went to our final event in Hiroshima: the Floating Lantern Ceremony. When we arrived, the ceremony was already well on its way, as lanterns floated down the river past the A-Bomb Dome. Music played in the background, light fell, and thousands walked down to the riverside to place a lantern in the water, watch it float away, and pray.

Healing waters
Healing waters
Solace flows through the river of forgiveness to my soul
Oh, I need You
Healing waters